Depression and the jumbled thought processes

When you are suffering severe depression regardless of what form of mental illness you have, the fact remains it is so hard to describe your thoughts to anyone. Unfortunately now that I am well I can now clearly remember every negative thought and frustration I felt when severely depressed. Here is some examples:

Waking up in the morning was a nightmare. You don’t feel like getting out of bed and struggle with thoughts of how the hell you are going to get through the day.

Showering – it’s sounds simple right? Think again…. we all have our routine eg. Wash your face, shampoo, condition….well when you have the shrouded fog of depression these simple stages of what to do, what order to do them in is a nightmare. I used to stand under the shower nozzle and be completely unsure of what to do. Half the time it was easier not to even shower at all. I would go for several days without bothering, until I forced myself to do it.

Eating – another easy task, make something and eat it yer. Not so easy when depressed. No appetite, no idea how to cook anything, the simplest of meals was all too hard. My mum used to force feed me grated apple just to get something in my system.

Reading – well that was just absolutely impossible. It felt like your brain was full, no more room for any information. Concentration level was below zero.

Watching television – I would lie in front of tv all day, unable to take anything in, just staring into the void…..

Sleeping – this was the only thing I was good at, I loved to sleep, it seemed to be the only thing that would soothe my weary mind.

Published by Melissa Mackay

Bipolar is an important topic for me as I have travelled through the highs and lows of this particular mental illness for just over 25 years now. Follow my journey from the past to present and hopefully some of you out there may gain some inspiration and come to the realisation....that it can be a positive and rewarding experience once you have learnt the tools of the trade...and enable you, or someone special in your life, to have a fruitful and rewarding life.

2 thoughts on “Depression and the jumbled thought processes

  1. So true. My depression tricks my mind into thinking things like my boyfriend is stealing things from my house. So in the middle of the night I send him 10 long texts saying things like “how could you??? You know how much I love those scissors! I hope you know that you are killing me. The lies! The deceit! Etc etc. A couple of days later I will apologize and thank god he’s really laid back. So depression makes me delusional, anxious, paranoid, plus no interest in anything, no energy, strong desire to sleep 24/7. My house becomes a mess. I don’t bathe or even change clothes. I cry a lot. It’s just awful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh you poor thing. It’s great you have a supportive boyfriend. The one thing I hate is once depressed, it takes so long to crawl out of it. The medications are slow in fixing our miss wired brains. My house becomes a mess also, I am usually quite neat and tidy, but I just don’t have the energy to do anything about it. The delusional thoughts and paranoia are awful. Thank goodness these days I nip depression in the bud very quickly and adjust my meds which readjusts my mind really quickly.

      Liked by 1 person

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