When you are suffering severe depression regardless of what form of mental illness you have, the fact remains it is so hard to describe your thoughts to anyone. Unfortunately now that I am well I can now clearly remember every negative thought and frustration I felt when severely depressed. Here is some examples:
Waking up in the morning was a nightmare. You don’t feel like getting out of bed and struggle with thoughts of how the hell you are going to get through the day.
Showering – it’s sounds simple right? Think again…. we all have our routine eg. Wash your face, shampoo, condition….well when you have the shrouded fog of depression these simple stages of what to do, what order to do them in is a nightmare. I used to stand under the shower nozzle and be completely unsure of what to do. Half the time it was easier not to even shower at all. I would go for several days without bothering, until I forced myself to do it.
Eating – another easy task, make something and eat it yer. Not so easy when depressed. No appetite, no idea how to cook anything, the simplest of meals was all too hard. My mum used to force feed me grated apple just to get something in my system.
Reading – well that was just absolutely impossible. It felt like your brain was full, no more room for any information. Concentration level was below zero.
Watching television – I would lie in front of tv all day, unable to take anything in, just staring into the void…..
Sleeping – this was the only thing I was good at, I loved to sleep, it seemed to be the only thing that would soothe my weary mind.